We don't believe in You-Know-Who
but we don't let the kids know it.
We're parents, we're grownups
there's a line, we have to tow it.But we're part of a conspiracy
about this bearded big fat guy.
Who isn't real, who never lived
Who's old, but doesn't die.We went to the department store,
we climbed down on that limb.
Told the kids that it was You-Know-Who,
we said that bum was him.Then we placed them on his knee
- to me the knee seemed rather bony
Happily they sat there though,
chatting with that phony.Told the kids we could provide the proof
- the deceit! how I hate it!
We put out the milk and cookies
yes I admit I drank and ate it.Then that fib about the North Pole
As if any elves could live there.
We helped to write and send that letter
knowing full well it went nowhere.You-Know-Who comes down the chimney
How could such a fat man fit?
The whole thing is preposterous
Yet we get kids to buy it.We have no shame, the lies pile up.
You'd think at least we would balk
when we sing of red-nosed reindeer
and snowmen who dance and talk.Well it's just a harmless story
Some farytale, some christmas fun.
Not unlike that other theory
The one about God's son.Where angels talk to shepherds,
Wise men troop after a star,
and a virgin has a baby -
boy, that's fetched pretty far.But we adults buy that conspiracy
We tow and swallow that old line
Disappearing milk and cookies -
What about that bread and wine?It's enough to make you hesitate
It's enough to give you pause.
Perhaps it's just as crucial
kids believe in You-Know-WhoLoudon Wainwright III