I missed a bit from yestrerday's update - you might want to read that before this... not that it's life of death or anything, but adds to the humour of the moment...
So... there's this ex-con at the bar doing thinking that it's a playground and not a pub telling me that one of his friends "really likes you... she thinks you're gorgeous..." in a semi-drunken slur. The girl in question realises what we might possibly be talking about and shouts at him to get back to the table.
Then ensues a perfectly audiable argument at the table to the whole of the pub...
"What were you talking about?"
"Football"
"No you wasn't, you've told him"
"Have not!"
"You has."
"God, chill... I've not told the barman that you fancy him!"
"You have!"
...
Whilst this is going on I'm slowly swallowing my own fist in order to not break out in to hysterics, I decided I wasn't doing well at abating my laughter and went and hid in the kitchen for a whilst doubled over. What worse is I'm convinved they didn't realise everyone could hear their stupid argument!